I was hacked

Apologies to anyone who received my ‘men are better than women’ hacker message.

I’ll be deactivating this blog now. Thanks.

The End of an Era

It’s been fun but amieweexxx.wordpress.com has had to come to an end.

STOP CRYING THOUGH because my new site (while it has a few bugs at the moment) is ALL THE GO!

Crevice Canyon is here. It’s shiny. And it’ll make your crotch wet.

Check it out here.

It’s like Christmas. But with more boobs.

News!

Hey you eggs… apologies for the lack of posting lately but I’ve been working HARD on my brand spankin’ new site.

Stay tuned.. it’s not too far away now..

It’s going to be fucking rad.

Royally Fucked

This is my royal wedding coverage.

HAHAHA.

I Went Down

I went down and not in a fun way. WordPress recently freaked out and removed me temporarily but NEVER FEAR because it appears we are back in action. Although.. stay tuned because I will be doing a total site upgrade/make over/shit yeah in a few weeks… I have many, many plans.. videos.. hotness.. betterness.. regularness.. it will be an internet party and you’re all invited.

To apologise for me going down, here’s a picture Curvaceous Dee took of me being awesome and trying to put my ankles behind my head. I will be a pornstar yet.

I can’t show you the ones of me naked and succeeding in this or WordPress will spontaneously combust.

Porn Clerk Memories #1

You probably don’t know this but before I worked in porn… I worked in porn. My first job when I arrived in New Zealand was managing an adult store. Fun, right? Sometimes. Now, although I only worked there for around 18 months or so, I am pretty much a sponge of hilarious/depraved/boring/scary stories because of it. The other day, I was sitting around with my (bitchin’ hot) girlfriend relayed some of my porn clerk memories when I realised that I am pretty much obligated to share some of these with you.

I am unsure  what to tell you first though. Should I tell you about the german virgin who I taught how to expertly finger bang? Or about the guy who I yelled at & threw a handful of coins at? Or what about the guy who jerked off into his socks? Or the time I got attacked? Or about the guy who I wouldn’t give a refund to so he took his product out into the car park and backed over it to prove it was broken? Or the number of times I was given gifts by VERY happy female customers? Or the times I nearly punched people in the face? Or the time I gave a bj out the back? (LOLOLOL THAT NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED). Because this is the first one to pop into my head, let’s start with it as an introduction..

——————————

The One Armed Pimp & His Working Girl

This is a short one but one that will forever be etched into my mind as it is too bizarre and surreal to ever make my life the same again. I don’t think I’ve ever gone from so frightened to so humoured in such a short time.

I remember that it happened on a Tuesday night and that I was on the motherfucking count down to home time. The day had been pretty slow. I had done a lot of cleaning. Read a lot of mediocre porn mags. Sold a LOT of penis pumps. Plotted a small sexual revolution. Just another day in paradise.

I remember looking at the clock and creaming my pants that I only had another 37 minutes to go until I could shut shop. Then they walked in. DUN DUN DUNNNN.

Before they even open their mouths I was a little stunned and frightened. I was immediately faced with an angry-looking ONE ARMED pimp and his hot-as-fuck sex worker (who honest to God, had quite a full beard going on). I was frightened and intimidated at first because they didn’t even walk around the store.. just assertively came up to the counter. I honestly thought I was about to be robbed.

AND THEN

The pimp opened his jacket a little (at this point, I shat my pants a hundred times because I thought I was about to see a gun. Or a penis) but, Pimp Man magically presented me WITH A BASKET OF SCONES.

…

From memory, the situation pretty much looked like this*..

‘We were walking past so we thought we’d bring you some scones!’ he said cheerily.

‘Uh… thank you’ I said nervously.

The story gets even weirder because the scone was actually frozen. Not luke warm. Not cold. But like ice block frozen. I smiled and thank christ they left immediately because I probably would have eaten the ice block scone so to have not appeared rude.

I never saw them again.

 

* The hook and dialogue were added for comedic value. But the pimp may or may not have been Satan. We’ll never know.

The Sapio Slut’s Wrote a Book! (review)

Sapio Slut: The Collected Adventures

Book Review

‘Last night you unleashed more of the bad man you are. You were controlled, specific, demanding. I could tell that there was no leniency. I was not there to have an opinion or input. I was there to be yours’.

Although this post is hugely, obnoxiously late, I am very excited to announce that my very attractive and sapiosexual friends over at Sapio Slut have published a book! Sapio Slut: The Collected Adventures is well, a collection of a bunch of stories from the famed blog detailing Iona’s adventures from vanilla sex to very, very not vanilla sex.

Iona is a gifted writer and reflects on her adventures in a very conversational, friendly ‘Dear Diary’ style. Reading her journey from vanilla to kinkster is fascinating and I felt as if I’d been given secret access to her deepest inner monologues. Iona writes very openly and unapologetically about her sometimes extreme sexcapades and feelings associated with those experiences. Her brutal honesty is both refreshing and totally appreciated. At times, the content is confronting but Iona writes in such a way that makes you feel like she’s purring at you! (Read the book and you’ll understand) While reading this book, I spent a good deal of time violently switching between feeling jealous and horny!

Sapio Slut: The Collected Adventures is one of the coolest books I’ve had the priviledge of reading in ages. It is an interesting mix of kinky adventures, funny/sad/happy/revealing anecdotes, ideas and tips for bdsm practice and will definitely give you inspiration for your own debauched adventures! Seriously, there were times when I was like ‘WHY HADN’T I THOUGHT OF THAT!?’. The book is very bdsm heavy (well, duh) but I personally don’t think you need to have too much of an understanding of kink to be able to appreciate or understand the material. Obviously though, if you have a context for it, then the value of Iona’s journey is increased but I do think that even the most curious vanilla from Vanillaland will find something that piques their interest…

I recommend you buy this book immediately HERE, not only because it’s entertaining and awesome (and VERY cheap – $9.95) and if you love me, you should support my friends but also because I’m actually in a few chapters of the book…

Book Rating: 8 of 10.

BDSM Intensity: 7 of 10.

Overall Hotness: 4 of 5.

——————–

Incase you missed it, the book is available here and the Sapio Slut’s blog is available here.